


One Last Night (to Say Good-bye)

by DarkCyradis



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Day 1: Soulmates, Emergency EruriWeekend 2016, Eruri Week, Erwin Quilt, Fluff and Smut, For all our broken hearts after SnK 84, Goodbyes, Grief/Mourning, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Sexual Content, Soulmates, Spoilers, True Love, also smut, eruri - Freeform, snk 84, solace, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-28
Updated: 2016-08-28
Packaged: 2018-08-11 11:52:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7890955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkCyradis/pseuds/DarkCyradis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi and Erwin have one, last night together. But true love never really dies, does it? </p><p>Spoilers for recent chapters. This is how I grieved.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Last Night (to Say Good-bye)

That night, he dreamt of Erwin. His eyes were calm, warm. His gaze lay unwavering, undistracted on Levi, tender and fond, soothing like a balm.

“Erwin,” Levi began, half-rising, but Erwin shook his head, his smile deepening, the wan light of the banked fire catching and twinkling in his eyes. The ambery glow of the firelight lit his skin golden against the twilight that filled the room behind him, and Levi realized they were both nude, the thin blanket wrapped about and between them, Erwin’s long, muscular legs a warm, smooth weight upon his lower half. Despite the friction there, Levi’s body felt sated and thoroughly warmed, as though they had just made love.

 _Did I fall asleep afterward?_ Levi wondered, trying to recall what must have been quite an intense coupling if he’d blacked out after climaxing. But all that came to him was a vague and heavy sense of weariness, the hollow kind that gnawed in one’s chest after a profound grief-letting.

That thought quirked something in the back of his mind—something Levi had a feeling he didn’t want to remember.

He was distracted by a soft caress at his temple; one of Erwin’s hands was stroking its way into his hairline and carding gently through the longer strands of hair that fell around his face. Levi turned his head slightly to lean his cheek into its large, warm palm, his eyes never breaking contact with Erwin’s. Despite the unusual, clear-eyed quiet in Erwin’s gaze, there was a gravity in them as well—a measure of that piercing quality so characteristic of those blue, blue eyes on the battlefield or in the war room. Even masked as it was right now by the familiar fog of lust and tenderness that was Erwin's bedroom gaze, today, that piercing quality remained alight underneath. That was unusual. It was like Erwin’s eyes were searching his… Searching, or perhaps memorizing…

His big, broad hands on Levi’s body gave a similar impression; they were slow and gentle, calloused fingers ghosting over skin and scars and muscle they knew very well. They were reverent—and, again—cataloging, memorizing.

That momentary sense of unease, of half-remembering, was slowly creeping back into Levi, but it was hard to focus on it against the wonderful feel of his lover’s hands on him, caressing him like this. How rare it was, especially lately, to have Erwin’s undivided attention in such inconsequential, unlethal moments; and even more so, to see his brow so light, his unexpected and well-hidden playful side surfaced so fully. And his hands…

_Wait—hands?_

Levi’s eyes darted to the pale, sculpted curve of Erwin’s right bicep, bulging gloriously now as his arms— _both_ arms—held the weight of his upper body suspended above Levi’s.

“What is this, a dream?” he said aloud, shooting a mistrustful look up at his companion. Erwin chuffed a small, warm breath of a chuckle and gave the upturned tip of Levi’s nose a small, playful bop with his right index finger. It felt perfectly solid. Something about that touch—and the sensation of being encompassed in Erwin’s complete embrace again—and that vivid look in Erwin’s eyes… If anything, they looked _too_ real, far more alert and present and _there,_ somehow, than they looked in day-to-day life; certainly more solid and present and focused on him than they had been for the past several weeks, since the new queen’s coronation.

Something unraveled in Levi’s chest—something that felt like homecoming and the reckless, carefree abandon of a lucid dream all at once. Letting himself sink fully into that achingly familiar, smiling blue gaze, Levi felt the corners of his mouth tugging into an answering grin despite himself.

“Oh, being cute tonight, are you?” he teased. Erwin gave a silent, delighted, “ha!” and leaned in to press a sudden, smooth, hot kiss on Levi’s lips. Whatever misgivings flitted in the back of Levi’s mind were lost in the sheer, wonderful physicality of the moment, of the familiar and always-overwhelming sensation of Erwin’s luscious, eager lips on his own. The heat, the taste, the softness, the wetness—all so familiar, all so true. This couldn’t be a dream, couldn’t possibly be; whatever Levi’s mind thought it knew about missing limbs and gore-strewn battlefields and unkept promises, he dismissed it all and allowed himself to embrace this far more immediate and irresistible reality, this truth pressed against, within, and upon him.

The rising heat of their bodies as the blanket loosened and slipped off their entwined forms was so familiar, this sweat and electricity building between their skin… so good, so right… That hot mouth on his neck, those wet, trailing kisses, those strong, hard hands cradling his head, sliding lingeringly down his side, cupping his hip, slipping under a knee, stretching him out, leaving him revealed, revered, in that deliciously vulnerable place he would have hated with anyone else, but which, beneath Erwin, he exalted in, felt nothing but the most breathless anticipation in…

“Erw—” he began, but his whisper was cut short when Erwin leaned decisively down to capture his lips once again and pulled Levi’s hips against him in a sudden, powerful, jerking moment. Levi gasped—he had surmised he was already slick and well-stretched from their prior round, but he hadn’t realized, somehow, just how hard Erwin was. He felt uncontainably huge inside of Levi—rod-hard, unyielding, throbbing with heat, _enormous_ , stretching him to his absolute limits.

“Aah, Erwin—” Levi cried out, more in surprise than anything else, but Erwin was already moving, his hands like iron clamps on Levi’s hard thighs, holding him immobile as his cock slipped its narrow confines and jammed relentlessly back into them. The friction was unbearable; Levi’s own cock was as red and hard as a brick, standing and straining obscenely, bobbing with each plunging thrust. And deep inside him, that electric prickle of pure, intense pleasure each time Erwin rocked into him; endowed as he was, Erwin could hardly fail to hit his sweet spot with each and every thrust, each and every time they had ever had sex.

“Oh, Erwin… Erwin!” Levi moaned, his hands reaching everywhere, clutching desperately at the pillow, at the sheets, at whatever he could reach of Erwin’s forearms and torso. He was close, and Erwin took his cue as ever, pulling Levi up into his arms so that Levi sank even further and tighter onto his lover’s cock and wrapped every other part of him he could around his lover, squeezing like a vice. Despite the further constricted passage, Erwin sped up his thrusting, and all Levi could discern in the seconds before his balls had tightened to the point of eruption was one continuous, pounding, thrumming tidal wave of pleasure in that glorious place inside him, while under his hands and arms and against his chest and pressed to his lips was that hard, familiar, sweat-slicked body with its intoxicating, heady scent, so strong, so gorgeous, so right, so completely and utterly _his_ —his Erwin, his love, his everything—

“Er…win…!” he choked out one last time before he came with a force like a summer gale, his limbs seizing, his cock spasming as it was drained of every, last drop.

Erwin had just finished as well, his arms clamped all the way around Levi’s waist and back, his face braced desperately against his lover’s heaving, semen-spattered sternum.

Halfway to sinking out of consciousness again, Levi could only manage a half-whimpered, “Erwin.” But his lover drew his boneless form upright against him, pressing a big hand to his cheek and another ardent kiss to his lips. Even as spent as he was (little wonder he’d blacked out after their first round, Levi thought vaguely, if it had been as spectacular as _that_ ), Levi responded obligingly, bringing up a hand to curl through Erwin’s silky undercut. Erwin’s arms tightened around him, full of strength and active need despite the explosive orgasm he’d just had. Synchronized as they were, in hardly any time at all, their kisses had gained enough fervor to bring Levi fully back to consciousness.

“You’re insatiable tonight,” Levi murmured, pulling his mouth away from the insistent, seeking lips for a moment. He reached up and clutched Erwin’s strong, lightly stubbled jaw to still his face as he examined it. Erwin’s lust-glazed eyes cleared a bit under his seeking gaze. He slackened the tension in the arms that clutched Levi close, his long, light-colored eyelashes in great evidence as his eyes dropped to meet Levi’s, a tender light within them now.

“What?” Levi asked slowly—gently—after a moment. “What is it? Erwin? Why aren’t you saying anything?”

Erwin ducked his head slightly, a few mussed strands of his golden hair slipping down over his forehead in a boyish way that Levi utterly adored. His reddened lips twisted into a small, wry smile, but the wistful sadness in those blue, blue eyes in the milliseconds before he’d dropped his gaze had already told Levi everything.

Levi let his eyes fall shut as he released one small, silent sigh. Humanity’s Strongest never ran, never hid from the harsh, painful truths of life. Somewhere in his mind, he had already known—had known all along. But he was a man who had already surrendered the last thing that truly mattered to him in the name of what was best—what was _right,_ perhaps—and this much—this dream, this fantasy, this illusion or whatever it was—this much was permitted him, wasn’t it?

Whatever this phantom of Erwin was, he seemed to have a similar view on the proceedings, if his wry but unabashed grin and calm, fond gaze was anything to go by.

Levi chuckled softly. “We’re even in-synch when we cheat on our own principles, huh, Erwin?”

Erwin huffed another soft, voiceless laugh, and gave a small nod. Levi laughed as well.

“So, then,” Levi said, drawing back a little to sit on his haunches but leaving his arms draped comfortably over Erwin’s shoulders. Erwin’s hands remained resting loosely on either side of his waist, his right thumb stroking the skin beneath it softly. “What is this? An afterlife conjugal visit?”

The full, crinkling smile that blossomed on Erwin’s face then—even if his laugh was silent and brief—was one Levi thought he would probably remember to the final moments of his life. After Erwin had collected himself, he nodded his chin toward the dark window.

“Ah, one night, huh?” Levi said. “But no talking?”

Erwin shook his head, his blue eyes somehow appearing all the bigger and more earnest for his mouth’s silence.

 _You blue-eyed devil, you could’ve stolen all those fresh cadets’ souls without even a single word if you’d wanted to,_ Levi thought fondly.

“God, I’m going to miss you,” Levi whispered, wishing the sudden prickling in his eyes would go away. Clearly, Erwin agreed, shaking his head “no” vehemently.

“Yeah, yeah, no tears, I know,” Levi groused, swiping quickly at his eyes and swatting Erwin’s hovering hands back. Erwin let his hand drop back to Levi’s waist, but his eyes, above his gentle smile, were filled with an answering, undisguisable sorrow. Levi blinked a few more times, willing away the tears that sprang automatically to them in response to that sorrow. He would honor Erwin’s wishes—no tears, no blubbering, none of the wailing, howling grief that would properly express what this rending loss meant to him. This time, this grace, whatever it was; this chance to say a true good-bye to the person who had been everything to him—who had touched, shaped, moved, and made worthwhile every moment of this pain-ridden life he had led… he wouldn’t waste it.

Levi exhaled a long, soft breath, letting the weight of the grief building in his chest ebb slightly with it. He raised his eyes to Erwin’s again, to take his own long, last, memorizing look at that beloved face. What a familiar sight, cherished though it was. This face, this pair of beautiful, vivid blue eyes, and the soul that lived behind them… they were there before him now like they always were, like he felt in his heart that they always should be. It was hard to believe he wouldn’t see this sight ever again after this.

Levi reached out one hand slowly to press against Erwin’s cheek and held it still, feeling the warmth there, the life that he knew didn’t actually exist anymore.

 _One last time_ , he thought, and felt a sudden, immense gratitude to whatever trick of the mind or whim of divine mercy had brought this moment to him, this press of familiar, pliant flesh to his palm. One last chance to feel, to cherish, to remember… One last chance to say good-bye.

His arms were around Erwin’s back before he realized, pulling him against him, every modicum of the considerable strength in his body straining, crushing, clutching him close.

 _I love you,_ he mouthed into Erwin’s shoulder. _I love you. I love you._

He kept his eyes squeezed tight against the moisture that wanted to pour out of them, clenched his trembling mouth and chest and arms tightly to stave off the shuddering sobs within them. Erwin’s arms were around him, just as tight, the deep, heaving breaths rising and falling between them devoid of even the tiniest tremor—but Levi wasn’t fooled. Erwin was fighting to master his grief as hard as he was.

After they had remained that way—silently pressed together, clutching, holding on for dear life—for a time, and their breathing was no longer gulping and desperate, they slowly untangled, let their strained limbs slacken and slide down, raised their heads dry-eyed to meet one another’s gazes again.

Erwin gave him a small smile. It was a tired smile, melancholy; but not unhappy. Levi smiled too.

“Well,” he said at length, “it was an honor, living by your side—witnessing your life, and being a part of the things you accomplished— _What?”_ he demanded as Erwin began shaking his head again, making exaggerated shushing gestures. Erwin peered plaintively (almost a little _petulantly,_ if Levi dared think it?) into Levi’s eyes and pointed at his own firmly closed mouth.

“Oh, I see. It’s not fair for me to say all this because you can’t say anything?”

At Erwin’s nod and almost comically pleased expression, Levi could only give another fond, exasperated chuckle.

“Okay then, no eulogies, no good-byes, none of that sad shit,” Levi agreed. “But… let me say just one thing.” He forced himself to meet and hold Erwin’s eyes as he said, “Don’t forget me?” At Erwin’s surprised look, he continued, “Because I know I’ll never forget you. Wherever I am, wherever we go. Some part of me will always be looking for you.”

The brightness in Erwin’s eyes was unmistakable, but he held onto his composure bravely. His eyes when he met Levi’s held oceans of meaning within them, and Levi nodded firmly, wordlessly, to show he understood what Erwin wanted to say. Over his shoulder, Levi could see the first hint of lightening in the night sky. He forced himself to ignore it, gazing deeply back into Erwin’s eyes and letting all focus remain there.

“Just so you know, I’m not through with you yet, Erwin Smith,” Levi said, reaching to cup his lover’s face in both hands and drawing their eyes level. “However long it takes, I’ll find you again.”

At that, the radiating warmth that had filled Erwin’s eyes spilled across the rest of his face, and he mouthed, _Not if I find you first._

When Levi awoke the next morning to a hazy dawn pouring its first, watery rays across their tiny camp at the base of Wall Maria, he lay quiet for a moment, watching the slow fading of the last stars—the brightest ones—into the unstoppable illumination of the day. In no time at all, they were gone from his sight, though their afterimage remained in his eyes when he closed them, bright spots in the now-empty morning sky. He couldn't see them anymore, but that didn’t mean they weren’t still there, did it? They surely were, somewhere, someplace else.

 _I’ll find you,_ Levi thought. _Wherever you are, wherever you go, that’s where I’ll be._

For a few more minutes, before the stirring of the weary bodies around him bade him rise and take back up the burdens of his present life, he imagined that the world was fading away, and that he was floating up, flying toward those bright points in the night sky that were most certainly, assuredly _somewhere_ —still there.

 

END

**Author's Note:**

> For Emergency EruriWeekend 2016, Day 1: Soulmates (though I actually wrote most of this on August 8th, after SnK 84 came out). Writing this helped me come to some kind of terms with my grief. I hope it will be of some comfort to everyone else still in mourning for our brilliant, wonderful Erwin.


End file.
